02 Apr 08 2008 hurricane season might be the most ironic ever

So after the announcement that we should be prepared for a vicious hurricane season (which they say every year just to cover themselves), I checked out the potential names for this year’s storms.

Arthur, Bertha, Cristobal, Dolly, Edouard, Fay, Gustav, Hanna, Ike, Josephine, Kyle, Laura, Marco, Nana, Omar, Paloma, Rene, Sally, Teddy, Vicky, Wilfred

How ironic would it be for Florida (or any other state) to get pounded by a hurricane named Bertha, a name typically associated with a large woman, or Arthur, a drunk. The best, however, would be Hurricane Ike, as in Ike Turner.

Getting bitch-slapped by Ike would seem almost appropriate. OrlandoSentinel.com has a gallery of the hurricane names and matching celebrities. Not all of the same associations I would have made but some are still funny.

The hurricane experts always say the same thing before hurricane season. “Get ready for the worst yet!” “Residents should prepare for the worst!” “The end is nigh!”

So people run out, over-spend on water, batteries and other supplies and the big bix stores like Lowes, Wal-Mart and Costco make out like bandits. It’s a scam I tell you.

They did this last year and we only had a few storms, only one I think affecting Florida at all. But still, people went out to spend, spend, spend. Then they were stuck eating canned beans and soup for the next six months.

Sure we might have hurricanes, but no more than every year. You can’t predict this stuff accurately, you just have to roll with it. Weather people can hardly predict the day to day weather, let alone an entire hurricane season.

Don’t like it? Move. Other places have snowstorms, mudslides, Oz-worthy tornadoes and Christian fundamentalists. There’s a simple solution to all of those things, go somewhere else. Those things are a part of living on this planet.

Deal with it.

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Tags: Florida, news, randoms, rants

24 Feb 08 ‘Wolverine’ movie turning into a bloated monster

Remember when you saw the first X-Men movie and were thrilled to see those characters come to life? Then, a few years later we were treated to X2: X-Men United and once again, we were all thoroughly impressed.

When it was announced that Bryan Singer would not be a part of X-Men: The Last Stand we all knew that it would not be as great as the first two, that was a given. However, nothing could have prepared us comic-book nerds for the crap-fest that was to be unleashed upon us.

Complicated characters with equally complicated histories, like Beast, Juggernaught, the Morlocks and Multiple Man, were reduced to one-shot gimmicks to be used and tossed aside. Coupled with that, hack director Brett Ratner and writers Simon Kinberg and Zak Penn turned one of the greatest comic book story arcs in history into a convoluted, plotless and pointless affair. Too many characters, too many plot holes and not enough character development.

I fear the Wolverine movie, dubbed X-Men Origins: Wolverine, is headed down the same road.

First of all, Wolverine’s origin and the ‘Weapon X’ story is one of the most complicated in comic book history. To effectively tell the story on the big screen will be a feat unto itself. However, the movie is already bloated with too many characters that will no doubt be used for background filler and one-shot “ooh” moments.

On the list already:
Liev Schreiber as Victor Creed / Sabretooth
Lynn Collins as Kayla Silver Fox
Danny Huston as William Stryker
Daniel Henney as David North / Agent Zero
Will.i.am as John Wraith
Taylor Kitsch as Remy LeBeau / Gambit
Dominic Monaghan as Barnell
Ryan Reynolds as Wade Wilson / Deadpool

Then it has just been announced that Kevin Durand will appear in the movie as ‘The Blob.‘ While many of these characters I like, having them all in one movie is going to be a mess.

If the team behind this movie pulls this bloated mess off well I will be pleasantly surprised. And why Harry Connick Jr. was not tapped to play Gambit I have no idea.

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Tags: commentary, movies, rants

26 Aug 07 Quote of the Day.

From Warren Ellis’ The Sunday Hangover:

I couldn’t give a fuck how many soldiers they send to serve with the United Nations — if Canada wants to impress me, it needs to saw off the French bit and float it out of the Cabot Strait and into the North Atlantic. Let’s see how long those shiteaters last when they only have each other to sneer at.

Amen.

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