02 Mar 08 ‘The Onion’ strikes again
Idiom Shortage Leaves Nation All Sewed Up In Horse Pies
A crippling idiom shortage that has left millions of Americans struggling to express themselves spread like tugboat hens throughout the U.S. mainland Tuesday in an unparalleled lingual crisis that now has the entire country six winks short of an icicle.Since beginning two weeks ago, the deficit in these vernacular phrases has affected nearly every English speaker on the continent, making it virtually impossible to communicate symbolic ideas through a series of words that do not individually share the same meaning as the group of words as a whole. In what many are calling a cast-iron piano tune unlike any on record, idiomatic expression has been devastated nationwide.
“This is an absolute oyster carnival,” said Harvard University linguistics professor Dr. Howard Albright, who noted that the 2008 idiom shortage has been the country’s worst. “I don’t know any other way to describe it.”
Those people have the best job ever.
Related Links19 Jan 08 Headline of the decade
Rebel violence triggers Thai fighters*
I know it is not cool to glamorize violence in my native land, but I couldn’t resist. Good luck my brothers and sisters. Watch out for the emperor, er, I mean king.
*slight modification
Related LinksTags: faux news, headlines, randoms
07 Jan 08 Angry mob chases Sean Hannity to chants of, "Fox News sucks!"
Here’s the kicker, these are conservative Ron Paul supporters. After the recent announcement by Fox News that they were excluding the Texas republican from their “Republican Forum,” some viewers who were also Ron Paul supporters became upset.
Paul has not only raised tons of money but he currently ranks higher than Fred Thompson in the latest NH poll. Despite what I said earlier about Ron Paul I still don’t think it is fair that he be treated as an extreme, fringe candidate. Sure his chances of winning are slim, but they are better than say, Mike Gravel or Joe Biden, and they still get decent treatment.
The best part comes at the end when you can hear the mob shouting “We aren’t falling for it anymore Sean!”
Hat tip: Daily Kos
Related LinksTags: Campaign 2008, faux news
20 Nov 07 FOXNews sinks to a new low…
…by slipping a photo of Hilary Clinton into an unrelated anti-immigration story (via Crooks & Liars. ) Wow, they aren’t even trying to hide it anymore.
Fair and balanced, yup.
Related LinksTags: Campaign 2008, faux news
08 Nov 07 In case you didn’t know, homelessness is over
According to Fox News’ John “War on Christmas” Gibson that is. Check it:
On another front we have full employment, and the economy is sailing strong into a storm of $100 a barrel oil.On yet another front, a published report today said that homelessness is virtually over. People may have crushing mortgages, but they have homes.
So all in all, the war is going in our favor. Proof of that is that Democrats have shut up about it. Bush has made sure you have a job, and this economy has insured you have a home.
Published report? Where, in the printing press of your psycho mind? Also in case you didn’t know, we have full employment. Every able-bodied adult has a job–What!? Tell that to the people on the dole you twit.
Then of course there is this. Homeless veterans, meaning they don’t have a home or a job. Kind of blows your whole theory out of the water doesn’t it Gibby.
Someone get this guy off of the air.
Original source: Crooks & Liars
Related LinksTags: faux news
22 Oct 07 Media hits a new low.
Outing gives Potter passages new meaning
So Dumbledore is gay, after-the-fact. The series is done, why does it matter now that his character is gay? Is this really news? Hmmm, this wouldn’t have anything to do with the Harry Potter box-set going on sale last week? Nothing like a front-page story to drum up sales figures.
I’m very annoyed that this was on the front of every newspaper I looked at today, even our college paper. This is a non-story that is a totally transparent marketing ploy.
Related LinksTags: faux news, journalism
17 Oct 07 Oh Onion, how I love thee.
Walking Sports Database Scorns Walking Sci-Fi Database
PASSAIC, NJ—Scott Moreland, a walking database of sports facts and figures, scorned Tim Dansby, a walking database of science-fiction anecdotes and trivia, Monday afternoon.“God, what a friggin’ geek,” said Moreland, eyeing Dansby in the food court of Willowbrook Mall. “Saturday nights, I bet he gets together with his other geek buddies and whacks off to Star Wars on video. He’s probably never even gotten laid.”
Moreland, a 27-year-old bachelor who spends most Saturday nights watching ESPN and checking for injury updates on CNNSI.com, then left the food court and headed to The Fan Zone, where he browsed a rack of extra-large New York Giants jerseys.
MORE
I am so applying for their internship when I feel I am qualified and have enough experience. I can make up fake news all day long.
Related LinksTags: faux news, journalism
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