31 Mar 06 That was weird.

Bored, I did something I rarely ever do, I channel surfed. Little did I know I was going to hit gold. I danced around a bit eventually landing on channel 39. I hit the [GUIDE] button to see what was on and the listing said House. I immediately thought of the old-school flick House which is quite possibly one of the best shitty movies of its time. I soon discovered however that I was watching the Fox medical drama House starring that bizzarro, younger Dr. Emmett Brown guy.

Sadly, I changed the channel to 47 to see what was on AMC. What to my wandering eyes should appear? Fucking House!! And what is on after that? House II: The Second Story! Roll the dice, spin the wheel, it's my lucky damn day.

Nothing says lovin' like shitty movies on a Friday night. It's the simple things people, embrace them like you would a hot cousin.

~FryGuy

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31 Mar 06 hidden agenda.

The Pensito Review asks: “What's Bush Packin'?”

Remember this?

Looks like that battery pack is getting so big they had to move it to the front. Next thing you know Bush will be wearing one of those giant cowboy hats everywhere with a couple of Diehards underneath. Perhaps they should try looking into an alternate energy source or something.

~FryGuy

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31 Mar 06 stroker ace.

Condoleezza Rice admits “thousands” of errors in Iraq - Um yeah, I'd say there were about 2,326 errors to be exact (and counting).

-FryGuy

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31 Mar 06 622482

So I come into work today (which I am still at) and am greeted by a box of office goodies for my new desk. I got a fancy new printing calculator, a shiny Swingline stapler, a whole jubilee of pens and highlighters, a BankFirst coffee mug, and a plethora of other office accouterments. So after unpacking all of that and making everything perpendicular and parallel I got to work. I did about $12 million worth of wire transfers into and out of accounts. It's strange playing with electronic money. It all seems so weird as it bounces around the ether, like it doesn't really exist.

Then I learned that the women I work with are rather extreme practical jokers, in particular my boss. Now I'm not talking a can of peanut brittle that explodes into some non-snake looking snakes (which is such a hoot every time). No, I'm talking breaking into offices, cleaning them out, getting a CEO to call and pretend like someone is fired, impersonating police officers on the telephone, changing locks sort of pranks. Apparently my boss needed to enact some revenge on the girl one tier below her, plus tomorrow is April Fool's Day so it was a double whammy. This is how dedicated this woman is to fucking with someone. It's Friday, she's done working, she can go home if she wants to. Nope, anything worth doing is worth doing right I say to her. So, she goes and buys some balloons, two helium tanks, and some silly string. We filled the room with obnoxiously colored balloons and wrote wonderful little messages all over the place with silly string. We then wrapped her mouse in a balloon (which made it feel I was slipping a condom on her mouse) and sabotaged some other computer stuff at her desk. She closes the door, locks up, and goes home for the weekend with a hop in her step. After all the ballyhoo I went back to work playing with people's money until it was time to go upstairs and do my IT thing.

I think I'm going to like working in Operations. I just wish there were some cute girls to conduct some office flirtations with. Then again, better to avoid harassment charges. I left my house at 8 a.m. this morning for school, I'm ready to go home and relax now.

~FryGuy

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31 Mar 06 it's funnier if you work in a bookstore.

From low culture:

Introducing Snarly & Me, From The Publishers of The Bestselling Reality-Based Account of the Iraq War, A Million Little Pieces

Not All Dogs Go to Heaven: Snarly & Me, hitting bookshelves in about 8 years.

Spittake!

~FryGuy

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31 Mar 06 Gorsh!

The Return of the BPOD!
(which probably won't actually be daily but the 'Bush Picture of the Every-once-in-a-while' doesn't make as rhythmic of an acronym)

“Tarnation, 'Murica is awesome!”

~FryGuy

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31 Mar 06 Spring Forward to your Doom!

Tomorrow, April 1st, is a magical moment in time. No I'm not talking about April Fool's Day, but that too is a magical time. No, what I am referring to is that amazing time of year the comes only twice a year for just a short while. For one brief shining moment we are all granted magical powers over space and time. At this single moment we are all Gods, in control of one of the fundamental yet least understood concepts of the universe. We are Saturn, God of Time. Yes my friends, I am of course talking about Daylight Savings Time.

Tomorrow evening we will all spring our clocks forward one hour, propelling us all into the proverbial future. At no other time are we so in control of one of the forces of the universe that usually exerts its control over us. Personally, where do we get off? What right do we have to just play with time like an errant puppy? Supposedly Ben “I got the mo'fuckin' ideas' Franklin first proposed the idea, albeit a bit humorously, to the Journal of Paris. Seems like a likely idea from a crackpot that would fly a kite out in a lightning storm.

We are playing a dangerous game with Daylight Savings Time. It's the ultimate manipulation of our environment that will one day bite us in the ass. We are so arrogant that we've even passed legislation on it in the form of the Uniform Time Act. When the Flying Spaghetti Monster kicked Xenu's ass and stuffed his followers around a volcano he created this planet as it is supposed to be. If the Flying Spaghetti Monster, bless his noodly appendage, wanted us to manipulate time he would have given us all plutonium powered Deloreans and a crazy, white-haired friend. It's not natural people.

So, I stand in defiance of Daylight Savings Time. I will comply for now, but I will fight against that seek to disrupt the natural order of things. Already the movement is strong, as both Arizona and Hawaii do not observe DST. Stand strong my brothers and sisters, we will being the fight to them. Or I guess I should say hermanos y hermanas fuertes del soporte, for my friends in Arizona and malooka-looka-click-click-pineapple surfing to my fellow anti-DST's in Hawaii.

You have been forewarned friends and lovers, your frivolous manipulation of space and time will one day wreak havoc on the very fabric of the universe. Or at least cause you to be late for a meeting or lunch date, but that will only be the beginning.

Spring forward to your doom heathens!

~FryGuy

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31 Mar 06 Even if you hate the guy, he's still damn funny.

The Alphabet of Manliness
By Maddox

Coming Soon to a bookstore near you…

~FryGuy

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30 Mar 06 crazy legs.

The dog with two brains.

~FryGuy

30 Mar 06 A Nation of Immigrants.

We've all been hearing about the immigration bill and the scores of protests it has caused throughout the country. Many politicians have spoke on the issue and weighed in with their opinions as per usual protocol for these sort of things. I've been watching this thing unfold and not one politician or pundit has approached this thing from more than just a one-dimensional perspective. The immigration issue in the U.S. has far-reaching social, economic, and ecological affects–not just A or B. Should we allow illegals to work in the U.S. or not? That is the only question they seem to be asking themselves.

What amazes me is that George Bush, as well as other politicians/pundits, will look straight into the camera and say, “…we need to allow immigrants in this country who are willing to work jobs that Americans aren't.” Look at the absurdity of that statement. Why, in a country that is supposed to be as prosperous and powerful as the U.S., do we have jobs that no American is willing to work? Americans aren't afraid of hard work, it's the conditions of these jobs that make Americans opposed to them. Picking produce, cleaning office buildings and hotel rooms, working in slaughter houses, and the plethora of other jobs that immigrants usually occupy aren't bad jobs per se, but it is the employers that make them bad. Employers that pay below minimum wage, force their workers to work 40+ hours with no overtime pay, and employers that do not provide benefits; no wonder no American wants to work these jobs. If the government doesn't put any pressure on these industries to improve working conditions then they will continue to employ only immigrants, illegal or otherwise. If there were no incentive for these companies to hire illegals, then they wouldn't. They'd hire legal, working Americans and there would be one less reason for people to come to this country illegally. Plus, we are a nation of immigrants, why are we so opposed to others enjoying our country? The only ones that have the right to complain about people “invading” their land are Native Americans, but that was swept under the rug a long time ago and is the topic of an entirely different rant.

You've also got to ask yourself though, why are these people leaving their country in the first place? Well work of course, that's obvious. However many illegals are very nationalistic, they love their country. They don't want to leave it, most of them would rather stay and work in their country of origin. This is the new trend in India where improvements in technology have allowed many Indians to stay and live in India while working for American companies. Granted their education system is better and many of those jobs require skilled workers, but it is in a sense the same. The point is they would prefer to stay in India, they don't want to come to America just because it is America. Immigrants and illegals don't come to America because they think the red, white, and blue flag is pretty. They come to America to work so they can feed their families. So I ask again, why can't they do this in their native country? I know, no jobs. Well, why aren't there any jobs?

Organizations such as the World Bank and the IMF (International Monetary Fund) have succeeded in raping ailing countries of their native industries. The way these organizations work is they picture the global economy as a corporation. They adjust funding and provide financing to countries as they see fit. The problem is that the officials of these organizations aren't elected or have to earn their office in any way shape or form. They are appointed or they can buy their way in. The IMF is run by rich corporate mongers and the World Bank's president is Paul Wolfowitz, who was appointed by George Bush. You think he's not looking out for Bush's military efforts? Right. These organizations see the global economy as one huge entity. In there eyes what is good for the whole is worth a little suffering to those at the bottom of the ladder. If closing down some factories in Argentenia or Mexico and farming out their business elsewhere is good for the global economy, then what's the harm? So what if some have to suffer? As long as the numbers in the proper column of the spreadsheet and the GDP's of enough countries are up then everything is fine. You can't make an omelette without creating a little poverty right?

If pressure were put on Wal-Mart to improve working conditions here in the U.S. things would change. If pressure were put on Ford, GAP, Old Navy, and the multitude of other countries that outsource labor to improve conditions in their factories things would change. If the world stopped viewing immigrants as criminals and understood their plight as one of simply trying to feed their families then things would change. Fences along the border and laws criminalizing wanting to work in this country aren't going to improve the problem, they are only going to fuel it. The immigration problem is a multi-faceted one that, until those that have the power to affect it start looking at the issue through a larger lens, is simply going to snowball further and further.

Next time you stay in a hotel room, leave a tip. They deserve it.

~FryGuy

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30 Mar 06 perspective.

From Boing Boing:

This animated map of coalition military fatalities during the Iraq war unfolds at ten frames per second. Each frame represents one day of the war. One dot marks each casualty site. A death begins as a white flash, then grows to a larger red dot, which turns black after 30 frames (days), fading at last to permanent grey.

Link to “Iraq War Coalition Fatalities,” created by Tim Klimowicz.

~FryGuy

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30 Mar 06 catch and release II.

The only survivor of the Sago Mine disaster Randal McCloy Jr. is headed home from the hospital today. You know not to sound insensitive but calling him 'brave' and a 'hero' as some of the news heads have been doing is little lame. The guy didn't die, that doesn't make him a hero or an inspiration. It makes him, well, not dead. Hey, I don't die every day. Where's my press conference?

To make matters more ridiculous, they made a big ballyhoo about renaming McCloy's street 'Miracle Road'. What the fuck is that? So renaming his road makes up for government and corporate safety negligence which is what caused the disaster in the first place? Sadly, Mr. McCloy coming from a small West Virginia town will no doubt be used and exploited by politicians and others. He's going to get Schiavo'ed, which is my new term for that sort of thing.

One last thing, if I hear one more person say “…thoughts and prayers…” I'm going to fucking puke. Say something more original, or at least don't say it twice in one sentence. Come on government peoples, you've got speech writers with college degrees don't you? Surely they can think of something better for you to say that the previous five guys at the podium didn't already express.

I have such a love/hate relationship with the news.

~FryGuy

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30 Mar 06 catch and release.

Kidnapped Journalist Jill Carroll released!

Wow, you know she's set for life. Book deal, made for TV movie, 'I survived being an Iraq War hostage' t-shirts–the works. You know what'd be crazy though? What if she's brainwashed or something, Manchurian Candidate style? Hmm, in that case, get her a meeting with President Bush immediately!

I expect the spooks to be knocking on my door any minute now.

Good morning.

~FryGuy

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30 Mar 06 lame ass shit!

There are more important things to worry about than this America. Please stop.

~FryGuy

29 Mar 06 41 hours is 40 hours 45 minutes too long.

I can't do 10 minutes in Wal-Mart. Skyler Bartels did 41 hours. The funny thing is he didn't even accomplish his goal of an entire week in low-price hell yet he is already been approached by a book agent, TV shows, New Line Cinema, and did a radio interview with NPR. Son of a bitch! This is one of those “Why didn't I think of that?” sort of things. In fact I'm sure some of you, possibly while high, have had this exact same idea. Kudos for this kid into parlaying it into a possible writing career. Let's just hope this isn't the apex of his good ideas.

But hey, didn't Natalie Portman already make that movie? Oh well, everything is a copy of copy these days anyhow.

LINK

~FryGuy

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